May 2012
13 posts
3 tags
4 tags
4 tags
3 tags
7 tags
5 tags
just as a goof:
bcc raynor@ragb.ag on the next email you send out today. i’m working on a top secret project. also, i’m an unabashed voyeur of the first degree.
4 tags
3 tags
words wholly unrelated
female & male
hold up. is raynor going to tell me that the male part of female has nothing to do with the male part of male? i’m in a very fragile state right now—such a bone-rattling revelation is apt to put me over the edge.
indeed, i am going to tell you this, half-pint. and if you don’t wanna know the truth about males and females that your parents have been hiding from you...
6 tags
4 tags
james joyce and the hotel porter
[Said Joyce:] ‘A German lady called to see me today. She is a writer and wanted me to give an opinion on her work, but she told me she had already shown it to the porter of the hotel where she stays. So I said to her: “What did your hotel porter think of your work?” She said: “He objected to a scene in my novel where my hero goes out into the forest, finds a locket of the...
2 tags
the alchemical symbol for urine
is this: ⊡
use it wisely.
April 2012
18 posts
1 tag
3 tags
3 tags
1 tag
ten quadrillion poppy seeds
even though the ragbag comments section stopped working a year or so ago, i still get comments from time to time. today, i received multiple questions from visitors (basically) wondering how big a caravan would have to be in order to transport the ten thousand billion poppy seeds from this morning’s post.
i am hesitant to answer this question because the post this morning was about...
2 tags
10,000⁵
according to some rough calculations i just made on the back of a cocktail napkin (i’m at a bar in key west right now), i have read well over 17 million novels in my short life. so when i told you that i found the best first line in all of literature, you probably had no choice but to believe me. it turns out that i was lying to you. that particular first line is actually the second best...
2 tags
six surefire ways to cure your warts
Rub them all with a bean, put the bean in an envelope, and bury it. When the bean sprouts, the warts will be gone.
To cure a wart, pick it and let a drop of blood from it fall on a penny ; throw the penny away and the person who picks it up will have the wart.
If you have conscientious scruples about making other people carry your warts, you can relieve yourself as follows : Break off...
4 tags
today in intriguing german loanwords:
fisselig • (adj.) flustered to the point of incompetence
despite how cool i seem to almost everyone that ever has met me (especially those who are superior judges of character), i can—from time to time, especially when nagged by a supervisor—lose my composure. and on those occasions, i don’t just show my nervousness, i completely break down to the most feral, least competent, slathering...
2 tags
dreamfood
if you’re like me and 84.36% of all your dreams involve food, then you’ll find the gypsy dream dictionary to be an indispensable source in interpreting your visions. here are the secret meanings behind dreamfood that nobody outside of the new age community wants you to know about:
bacon・to eat bacon means triumph over enemies. to smoke bacon means someone close to you will become...
2 tags
3 tags
words wholly related
vanilla & vagina
guess what i just finished eating. a french crueller with vanilla frosting! it was average in every possible way BUT it did ignite a debate between my companion and i about the etymology of the word vanilla. said she, “it’s spanish like chinchilla and flotilla.” said i, “i’m not a betting man (actually i am; i just said this to appear wholesome)...
2 tags
5 tags
4 tags
5 tags
2 tags
REBLOG IF YOU LIKE MILKSHAKES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
3 tags
sent from my ti-86 graphing calculator
one of the first really hysterical things that i wrote about on this blog went like this:
i’ve been getting quite a lot of emails which end in something like: “sent via blackberry by at&t,” or “sent from my iphone.” i don’t have a device that will generate these phrases for me, so i have come up with some [email] signatures to use instead:
sent from my ti-86 graphing calculator
sent...
2 tags
language watch
this is what my attorney just told me:
“i’m available 24/7 until about 10:00 when i go to bed.”
and before i forced him to admit he was actually available 16/7 (in a best case scenario or 16/5 in a more likely scenario), i realised i was perhaps witnessing semantic change. is 24/7 going through puberty? is a phrase that originally meant every hour of every day now drifting to...
March 2012
7 posts
3 tags
2 tags
numbers wiz + letters wiz
to pass the time during my nephew’s supremely boring piano recital, i kept my mind active by inventing some number palindromes. here are just a handful of the 20+ that i came up with:
4
282
30,903
583,003.85
532 (this one isn’t technically a palindrome but it’s so close that i thought i’d include it anyway)
492,378,626,873,294 (this one holds the record for the...
3 tags
1 tag
your help needed
can you guys help me test my amazon associates account by buying a few of these bleacher sets from the following link? =====> [this is the link, right here]
note: the bleachers are made out of aluminium so if you (or your bottom) has an aluminium allergy, you may want to shop for bleachers that are made from steel, wood, or a non-aluminium polymer.
many thanks.
from a bleacher enthusiast,...
4 tags
words wholly unrelated
ginger & gingerly
the two most frequent questions i receive while signing autographs are:
what is the highest-sided regular polygon you can picture mentally. and
where do you get your ideas for your award-evading words wholly unrelated posts?
the answers are enneadecagon and mills baker.
in fact, in a twitter flame war last week, mr. baker clued me into the fact that ginger and gingerly...
5 tags
3 tags
February 2012
4 posts
3 tags
some peculiar puritan given names
in addition to ultimate gravel skiing and kite surf jousting, i’m also an avid fan of anthroponomastics, the study of personal names. naming customs have always been a hot topic around the ganan dinner table—and no group of people has a weirder body of names than those pesky new england puritans.
some names like be-strong philpott and kill-sin pimple sound more like cries at a religious...
3 tags
4 tags
i've decided to reintegrate myself with society
thank you for your patience as i figure out the best way to work towards this goal.
in other news: that pimple on my face finally cleared up!
December 2011
1 post
my whereabouts
internet people,
“things” are changing radically in my life. for instance, my favourite gas station is now hess and my stew of choice is now brunswick stew. another “thing” that’s happening right now is that i’m currently in the middle of a spontaneous road trip that started in the american south and will terminate in south america (all the best road trips...
November 2011
6 posts
3 tags
2 tags
words wholly unrelated
cushy & cushion
on account of modern technology (u.s. robotics sportster 14400 fax modem) i’m typing this post from the comfort of a bed. the bed is not my own bed, indeed it’s not a bed in which i’m accustomed to waking up in. i know what you’re thinking, you’re thinking “there goes raynor being the international playboy that i know he is. he probably...
2 tags
2 tags
today in intriguing german loanwords:
kassiber • a letter smuggled out of jail, a secret coded message.
the word originally comes from the practice of red army faction prisoners using their attorneys to smuggle letters out of the stammheim prison but now refers to any type of secret coded message. it’s derived from the yiddish word kessaw meaning “written.”
my infatuation with prison culture is well...
3 tags
October 2011
14 posts
2 tags
some peculiar halloween customs
On Halloween hang an apple by the door just the height of the chin. Rub the chin with saliva, stand about six inches from the apple, and hit the chin against the apple. If it sticks to the chin, you will be married, and your true love will stick to you.
On Halloween a girl is to go through a graveyard, steal a cabbage and place it above the house-door. The one on whom the cabbage falls as the...