November 2008
88 posts
4 tags
3 tags
my encounter with a poet
suppose you meet someone that introduces themselves as a poet. then suppose you follow up with the all-too-predictable “have you written anything with which i might be familiar?” which is countered by, “i doubt it,” (with a straight face). would you consider this a subtle insult cast your way OR part of this alleged poet’s self-deprecating ways?
3 tags
overheard at dunkin' donuts
a mother to her daughter while in line to buy bagels:
“when you tongue eighteenth notes on the clarinet at 130 beats per minute, you’ll finally understand why going to band camp is better than huffing spray-paint.”
i think that there is a moral lesson here for us all.
4 tags
5 tags
4 tags
the things i know about mary shealey
when i moved into my current apartment (casa del raynor) two years ago i got myself a land line (i had no choice, it was a prerequisite for dsl) and have inherited the phone number of a person named mary shealey. AND 2 YEARS LATER, i am still getting phone calls for her. through various calls over the years, here are some facts that i have pieced together about mary shealey:
she vacations in...
4 tags
2 tags
to keep in mind
a classical male singer who routinely sings in falsetto is called a countertenor.
4 tags
3 tags
4 tags
concerning cuckolds
a female cuckold is a CUCKQUEAN
the state of being a cuckold is called CUCKOLDOM
a woman who makes her man a cuckold is a CUCULUS
the imaginary horns on a cuckold’s forehead are called HEART’S CREST
a contented cuckold is a WITTOL
4 tags
2 tags
customer support
my thoughts on customer support: i disagree with the model whereby a manufacturer charges its customers a fee for troublehsooting problems with its hardware or software. this additional revenue stream takes away the incentive to fix/foresee the problems in the first place and would therefore incentivize making shoddy products.
3 tags
this is the dawning of the age of...
OPHIUCHUS!
get a load of this: there are ACTUALLY 13 constellations of the zodiac (constellations that contain the sun during the course of the year) but in order to keep things neat and tidy, the smallest one (ophiuchus) got the boot.
for the curious: in 2008 ophiuchus runs from november 30 to december 17.
1 tag
beethoven
beethoven’s fourth movement was ode to joy. his fifth movement was a rather spicy bratwurst.
5 tags
sent from my iphone
i’ve been getting quite a lot of emails which end in something like: “sent via blackberry by at&t,” or “sent from my iphone.” i don’t have a device that will generate these phrases for me, so i have come up with some signatures to use instead:
sent from my ti-86 graphing calculator
sent through a hacked connection to your mom’s poorly secured...
3 tags
3 tags
north dakota errata
holy smokes! some more people from north dakota are emailing me about the state facts that i posted yesterday. it seems that i accidentally made a few mistakes.
1. i incorrectly said that the state underwear was boy shorts. in fact, this is the state underwear of SOUTH dakota. the real state underwear is RHUMBA PANTIES.
2. i also mentioned that the state electronics manufacturer of choice was...
yuck. get this...
here is something that sounds HIGHLY disturbing… neutersol:
Neutersol is a compound used to produce infertility in the male dog by chemical disruption of the testicle, intended as an alternative to surgical neutering. Neutersol is expected to be reintroduced into the market by early 2009.
sounds like it would be perfect for a fraternity prank.
previously
3 tags
antonomasia
…the many bombs that the BUCK TURGIDSONS of the world dropped…
…that some RICK MORANIS out there found a way to shrink…
are examples of the literary device antonomasia.
related: TURGID means swollen.
2 tags
3 tags
automatic pain memory
when i was 8, i stepped on a piece of broken glass on my grand-ma-ma’s oriental carpet and my left foot bled for like half an hour. i have since inherited the carpet and EVERYTIME that i walk on it, i find myself unconsciously favoring my right foot.
it’s cool that the body has this automatic pain memory… BUT why is it that whenever i make my own pizza, i immediately try to...
2 tags
ñerds
from now on, i will spell the word nerd as ñerd to relect the way that i say it.
ñerdy linguistics digression: as a general rule, the more palatal that the en is in nerd, the more nerdy the nerd is in real life.
1 tag
2 tags
a movie spoiler
remember how you always loved the summer blockbuster movie season? and you would carry on for hours about which blockbusting sequals that you would sell a liter of your own spinal fluid just to see on opening night?
WELL GUESS WHAT BLOCKBUSTER MEANS……
The term Blockbuster was originally a name coined by the press and referred to a bomb which had enough explosive power to destroy an...
3 tags
4 tags
concerning neutered animals
a neutered cat or ferret is a GIB
a spayed ferret is a SPRITE
a neutered cow is a BULLOCK, OX, STEER or STAG
a neutered chicken is a CAPON
a spayed chicken is a POULARD
a neutered deer is a HAVIER
a neutered goat or sheep is a WETHER or DINMONT
a neutered horse is a GELDING
a neutered pig is a BARROW
a neutered rabbit is a LAPIN
from wikipedia, of course.
2 tags
1 tag
opposite day
the opposite of ulterior is citerior.
6 tags
4 tags
a new sex position!
i just came up with an awesome new sexual position. it’s called a 169. it’s where i walk in on my girlfriend doing sixty nine with some other dude and i just stand there wondering what to do.
full disclosure: the square root of 169 is 13.
2 tags
an odd convention
to form the plural of the abbreviation of manuscript and page (MS and P repectively), you double the last letter—thus MSS and PP.
3 tags
3 tags
metricifying design applications
today, i am going to switch the units of the ruler in both photoshop AND illustrator to centimeters. there is nothing worse than trying to mentally calculate one third of seven sixteenths of an inch.
by switching to metric units in my design programs, i predict that i will lead the u.s. to total dependence on foreign measurements by the spring of 2010. mark my word.
1 tag
living presidents
this just in: there are only 3 living former presidents of the united states.
1/20/2008 - update
there are now 4.
1 tag
4 tags
a big hello to north dakota
i just checked some of the ragbag’s google stats and realized that a large portion of its visitors are from north dakota. so i just wanted to take this opportunity to say “what up?” to my north dakota dawgs. i will try and post interesting things about your beautiful state in the near future. in the meantime, i will catch everyone up on some pertinent state facts.
named in honor...
5 tags
3 tags
aristotle calling
a guy from a scholarly organization that I belong to called me up yesterday and introduced himself as “aristotle,” and I blurted out a “ha!” before i realized that his name probably was just aristotle. i apologized but also made it worse by saying, “i mean, that’s probably totally normal in greece, like larry here.” wouldn’t you think someone was...
4 tags
how i win all my arguments
my favourite arguing trick is to say “that’s exactly what i was trying to say,” whenever anyone says the opposite of what i was trying to say. it’s super confusing and then most people start agreeing with me, thinking they are just reinforcing what they were saying.
4 tags
2 tags
my favorite new piece of swimwear
the one piece bikini.
2 tags
eachother
i will hereafter write each other as eachother. if any two words deserve to become one, surely it is these two.
4 tags
3 tags
a gross synonym for oriface
meatus.
1 tag
the nanny state
the nanny state will bake you cookies but it will also put you to bed when you don’t want to go.
4 tags
words i wanted to use but didn't
sometimes i get carried away and use big words to sound like a big shot. other times i get all self-conscious that someone will think i’m a fraud for awkwardly jamming in 25 cent turds into sentences where they have no business appearing. the following words are all ones that i wanted to use for previous blog entries but for whatever reason never did.
undisonant: making the noise of waves
...
3 tags
napkin etiquette
from now on, despite what emily post says, i will wait until my food is served before i move my napkin to my lap, thereby avoiding putting my silverware on a table laced with someone else’s hepatitis just for the sake of etiquette. the napkin is a prophlyactic that keeps my fork clean, why would i want to take it away and put the utensil that will wind up in my mouth directly on the table?...
3 tags
3 tags
