February 2009
44 posts
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what my mom and sister are looking to get
my mom and my kid sister are going to a spa this weekend. they are looking to get facials.
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words wholly unrelated*
sacrilegious & religious
the former from sacra legere (to purloin sacred objects). the latter from religare (to bind).
*etymologically speaking, duh.
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some unusual literary countries of birth
to round out the previous lists:
j.r.r. tolkien (south africa)
lawrence durrell (india)
j.p. donleavy (america)
doris lessing (persia)
joseph conrad (poland)
tom stoppard (czechoslovakia)
neil shrute (norway)
hugh walpole (new zealand)
h.h. munro, “saki” (burma)
charles bukowski (germany)
source: ibid
UPDATE: rudyard kipling was born in british india (i guess this...
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some unusual literary deaths
and while you are still contemplating john ruskin’s pube-o-phobia, my internet pal 52books (who reads 1.04 hectobooks biennially) wants you to never look at a toothpick in the same way again. she presents the following »
Julien Offray de La Mettrie (1751): the author of *L’Homme machine*, a major materialist and sensualist philosopher died of overeating at a feast given in his honor. His...
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some unusual literary marriages
john ruskin: found the sight of his wife’s pubic hair so disgusting on their wedding night that he resolved never to sleep with her again.
dorothy parker: remarried her ex after they had been divorced for three years. when somebody at the wedding reception commented that some of the people present hadn’t spoken to one another for four years, dorothy quipped, “including the...
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overheard at a local diner
“you know how when you wake up in the middle of the night and realize that one of your eyes is open and stuck to the pillow…”
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miscellaneous epiphanies (d.c. edition)
that chevy chase is actually the name of a real town (and that it predated the comedian by 1.3 thousand years)
that the marionberry is actually a real berry (and not named after the crack-smoking former d.c. mayor)
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a delicacy i have yet to try: tereré
from a friend serving in the peace corps:
I also drank a lot of tereré, the iced tea like beverage of choice in Paraguay. It is served in a cow’s horn called a Guampa and is passed from person to person, and you are to drink the entire serving at once. It is more like a large sip than a full serving in a glass. You drink through a metal straw called a Bombilla that strains the herbs....
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rock 'n' roll
when the accordion first came out in fin de siècle europe, the catholic church called it, “hell’s bellows” on account of the fear that its dance-inciting sound would lead youths into temptation.
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my american dream
wikipedia on simulated reality »
As of 2007, the computational requirements for molecular dynamics are such that it takes several months of computing time on the world’s fastest computers to simulate 1/10th of one second of the folding of a single protein molecule.
major bummer. looks like i won’t be getting to enjoy freaky virtual coitus any time soon. of course there is always hope for...
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conceptual art
my friend and i went to go see an art exhibit. the first piece we saw when we got there was in a room by itself. in one corner was a running dehumidifier. in another corner was a running humidifier. my friend turned to me and said, “let’s get the fuck out of here.”
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constrained cooking
i propose a cooking challenge in which contenders can only create dishes from the following list of ingredients. where did this list come from? this is a list of the foods that saddam hussein had in his spider-hole kitchen when he was captured by george w. bush (in fighter pilot uniform):
fruits: pomegranates, oranges, apples, kiwis, figs, bananas
vegetables: cucumbers, carrots
grains: rice,...
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reductio ad absurdum
maurice sagoff makes it his business to reduce history’s greatest literature into cutesy poems. here is his take on roth’s portnoy’s complaint.
Alec Portnoy, none too choosey, Went for any willing floozie; Still a jerk in matter phallic Alec also went for Alec. Sex he snatched in wild adventures Sure to jolt some readers’ dentures; Here are details, cruddy, mealy, Blow by...
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the saddest invoice i ever received
for reasons that i shall leave to the psychologists, i have always been infatuated with novels of the prison genre (surviving in it, escaping from it, etc.). because of this ghoulish preoccupation, and mostly as a goof, i bought a book called behind bars: surviving prison. it’s basically a manual for how to endure the many hellish dangers that one would encounter in the slammer. the book...
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after my haircut today,
my barber pulled me aside and showed me something very peculiar. “since you are a regular now, i wanted to let you know about this,” he said. he lifted the runner on the magazine table revealing a hidden drawer. inside was a stack of penthouse magazines from the late 1990’s. “just don’t be reading these when kids are around,” he said.
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a further note on pronunciations
despite what sting says, it’s pronounced nuh-BAWK-off (and his first name is vluh-DEEMER).
and as long as i am making updates, it has come to my attention that the ape is another [non-avian] onomatopoetic animal.
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stamp collecting
i just heard a rumor that canada commemorated northrop frye with a postage stamp. a literary critic on a postage stamp?!? i totally want to put it into the wunderkammer but i can’t find an image anywhere. if you are canadian or a philatelist and you have the ability to get your grubby hands on a frye stamp, PLEASE email your good pal raynor. we can work out an “arrangement”.
see...
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coincidence or god
one attoparsec per microfortnight equals 1 inch per second.
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the mustardarius
was the person in medieval courts and monasteries whose only responsibility was to prepare the mustard.
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the onomasticon, part the second
apparently, every time i have said an author’s name aloud, i have been wrong. there are some curvy curveballs on this list.
huxley to wollstonecraft
Huxley, Aldous—rhymes with called us
Marvell, Andrew—as in marvelous; go softly on the -ell
Maugham, Somerset—MAWM
Nin, Anais—for her spanish last name she used the spanish pronunciation NEEN. she pronounced her french first name as...
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miscellaneous epiphanies (logos with arrows...
that fedex has a hidden arrow
that amazon.com has one pointing from a to z
that the arrows on the carrefour logo conceal a capital c
that the logo for the national park services is in the shape of an arrow head
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just to clarify
the lemniscate of booth is also known as the hippopede of proclus.
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the onomasticon
for all the saucy pedantic wretches out there, here are the correct pronunciations of your favourite authors’ names. many of these have sent my brain into convulsions. i can’t wait for all the gratitude that i will receive from my friends and colleagues when i start pointing out their errors. you are welcome in advance.
part the first, agee to hawthorne
Agee, James—rhymes with cagey
...
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ambiguities of we
A less obvious, though equally ambiguous blind spot in English is the first person plural pronoun we.
Suppose while walking your adorable Bichon Frisé Genevieve down the street one day, you bump into your friends Senator and Mrs. Fairbanks and their companion, a handsome mustachioed hunk with pecs the size of manhole covers. After exchanging pleasantries, the mustachioed he-man steps toward you...
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miscellaneous epiphanies
that this imp is her brother-in-law
that cds are translucent
that this james lipton is the same as this james lipton
that the word i heard as “uh-ZAY-lee-uh” and read as “AZZA-lee,” were actually the same word (also: “FUH-see-shush” and “fass-ETTY-us”)
that the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star share the same melody
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