you’ve been served…with the writ of idiots

According to the old common law, there is a writ de idiota inquirendo, directed to the Sheriff, to inquire by a jury whether the party is an idiot or not; and if they find him a perfect idiot, the profits of his lands and the custody of his person belong to the king; by the statute 17 Ed. II.c.9. by which it is enacted, that the king shall have the custody of the lands of natural fools, taking the profits of them without waste or destruction, and shall find the necessaries, or whose fee soever the land shall be holden. And after the death of such idiots, he shall render it to the right heir, so that such idiots shall not alien, nor their heirs be disinherited.

this is the type of thing that i wanted to learn in law school but never did. do you know how many “perfect idiots” that i would be smacking in the face with the writ de idiota inquirendo? [this is a rhetorical question, and the definitive answer is 7—one of them is my neighbour who is a card-carrying member of the flat earth society, another is future u.s. president sarah palin whose biopic, “nailin’ palin” will be airing on pbs tonight at 8/7 central.]

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sauce: the new wonderful museum, by william granger (1807)