recipe for “light-as-air brunch”
- Air, approximately 6 cubic feet
- 1 pound highest-grade sirloin
- 3 eggs
- 4 perfect lobsters
- Whipping cream, basil and the most expensive mushrooms obtainable anywhere in the world.
- Mix, in a mixing bowl, the air. Set aside to cool.
- Take the sirloin, the eggs, the perfect lobsters and the incredibly expensive mushrooms and return them to the store.
- Come home.
- Remember that you also should have returned the stupid basil and the idiotic whipping cream.
- Bag up basil and whipping cream, go back to the store exasperated, return basil and whipping cream, stomp out of store.
- Come home, pretend to be eating the air in the bowl, look at imaginary person to your right, slowly shaking head as if to say, Wow, was that good. Serves 1 to 20.
Important: If you experience actual pleasure during any of the above steps, you are doing it wrong. Smack yourself in the head with tenderizing mallet until headache develops, then repeat Steps 1 through 6, watching carefully for signs of enjoyment. A desirable variation involves skulking around the neighborhood to see if anyone is enjoying a lush, decadent meal. If so, lecture on benefits of self-denial and sinful nature of self-gratification until he or she loses appetite or chases you away. Sneak back later, firebomb his or her grill.
from “the food fundamentalist” by george saunders (2006).
