for bestiary: a squonk for the first time in my young life, i DID NOT spend my new year’s eve blasting power ballads from my fender stratocaster on the stone head of the sphinx. eschewing tradition, i instead decided that on 12:59:59 i would try parachute bungee jumping, a new extreme sport that i am pioneering whereupon i jump out of my gulfstream 250 executive jet, yank my parachute cord in a haho manner and just when the chute deploys, i bungee off of it, yo-yo-ing to the earth at terminal velocity while listening to primus on my microsoft zune. anyway parachute bungee jumping was ok, but—in typical the-grass-is-always-greener mindset—i longed for my stratocaster and the legendary sphinx. and by way of powerful segue: do you know another legendary creature whose name starts with an ess, has 1 syllable and is useful for scrabble battles? the answer is the squonk—a pennsylvanian forest creature so ugly that it spends most of its time weeping and can evade capture by dissolving entirely into a puddle of its own tears »  The legend holds that the creature’s skin is ill-fitting, and covered with warts and other blemishes, and so it hides from plain sight and spends much of its time weeping. Hunters who have attempted to catch squonks have found that the creature is capable of evading capture by dissolving completely into a pool of tears and bubbles when cornered. i pledge to ring in 2012 while standing on the head of one of these crybabies, maybe at terminal velocity or maybe—and this is a big maybe—while standing in an inflatable hamster ball 30,000 leagues down, at the bottom of the mariana trench. __ art credit: richard svensson

for bestiary: a squonk

for the first time in my young life, i DID NOT spend my new year’s eve blasting power ballads from my fender stratocaster on the stone head of the sphinx. eschewing tradition, i instead decided that on 12:59:59 i would try parachute bungee jumping, a new extreme sport that i am pioneering whereupon i jump out of my gulfstream 250 executive jet, yank my parachute cord in a haho manner and just when the chute deploys, i bungee off of it, yo-yo-ing to the earth at terminal velocity while listening to primus on my microsoft zune.

anyway parachute bungee jumping was ok, but—in typical the-grass-is-always-greener mindset—i longed for my stratocaster and the legendary sphinx. and by way of powerful segue: do you know another legendary creature whose name starts with an ess, has 1 syllable and is useful for scrabble battles? the answer is the squonk—a pennsylvanian forest creature so ugly that it spends most of its time weeping and can evade capture by dissolving entirely into a puddle of its own tears » 

The legend holds that the creature’s skin is ill-fitting, and covered with warts and other blemishes, and so it hides from plain sight and spends much of its time weeping. Hunters who have attempted to catch squonks have found that the creature is capable of evading capture by dissolving completely into a pool of tears and bubbles when cornered.

i pledge to ring in 2012 while standing on the head of one of these crybabies, maybe at terminal velocity or maybe—and this is a big maybe—while standing in an inflatable hamster ball 30,000 leagues down, at the bottom of the mariana trench.

__

art credit: richard svensson

January 3, 2011
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bestiary animals being raynor
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