an unexplained absence

salve citizens,

i have been away from the thing called the internet for the better part of ten days. this mysterious disappearance was due to a spirit journey that i pretended to undertake in the white mountains of new hampshire. while i cannot reveal the 14 new enlightenments about my psyche that i feigned to achieve, i can tell you that the tutelary deity that assisted me took the form of an overly musky, bucktoothed marmot by the name of mistress dragonsong.

because of my unexpectedly long absence, i failed to oversee two critical ragbag items and thus offer the following programming announcement:

• the third installment in the gripping audio books out of context series failed to automatically post itself due to a software glitch similar to the y2k “willennium” bug. because of the many 1s and 0s involved, it is unknown at what point in the future or in the past that this installment will ever post itself. you will be delighted to learn that the fourth installment has not been affected and is due to appear on the 14th of december at 10:10 am.
• one year ago on december 4th, my gastroenterologist and i posted a bunch of titillatingly raunchy quotes under the cloak of highbrow literature. we decided that if we were both around a year from then, we would continue the tradition. technically, i wasn’t still around when december 4th came this year—i was gumming up peyote buttons in an underground labyrinth assisting mistress dragonsong with her tick problem. because of this loophole in the fabric of time, i am happy to announce that the second annual sex & literature day will be officially observed on thursday, december 17th, 2009.

i thank you for your patience and hope to reward it tomorrow with a special week-long feature that has been giving me the metaphorical excitement of 34 viagra pills.