FASH
These days, there is really only one f-word that comes to mind when contemplating the Scotsman’s vocabulary (it is not fash). But Scottish discourse was once ruled by another f-word: flyting. In the fifteenth and sixteenth centuries, Scots would compete in no holds barred public logomachies that some scholars claim are responsible for the development of modern rap (Rabbie Burns: the first MC?) And what word crops up in the earliest written record of rhyme spitting? Fash, of course:
‘I’d hold high revel, sluice my gob alway,
Ne’er fash myself, nor think of cramping-day,
But Bingavast’s the word! I must namaze,
McClellan’s cutty eyed and knows my lays;
He’s fly enough to shut up every boozing ken’
Fash is short, catchy, and sounds enough like an expletive that it could easily be re-integrated into today’s music, and from there it would naturally leak into everyday conversation. In fact, fash has already demonstrated its mainstream appeal by appearing in Vanity Fair*. It may not be the most titilating candidate in the running, but its a sturdy word that promises longevity and not just novelty. Besides, inject one medieval f-word into the lexicon and more will follow. But the public isn’t ready for ‘floke mowthede.’ A project as daunting as this must be set forth in small, manageable doses. Some day fourings will replace breakfast as the most important meal of the day, but let fash pave the way. I already have the Folk Association of South Hants on board, and they’ve been kind enough to design a logo, to be printed on t-shirts and tattooed on lower backs.
Start the revolution now by bringing up the etymology of fash the next time you find yourself in an uncomfortable silence (should you wish to make it more uncomfortable)
*circa 1861
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in a twist that nobody saw coming, not even the all-too-delightful sarah belfort, i will now reveal that she is my heretofore-mentioned kid sister. when she is not busy being wooed with rabbit butter, she spends her days engaging in fanciful capers and living in a scottish museum. i have it on good authority that if you submit a song and a stamp to her online collection, the sun will shine warm upon your face and the rain will fall softly upon your fields.
this post is the final entry in the word idol series. you can learn about this series here.
