today’s word of the day is TORCHECUL it is an archaic word for an object used to wipe one’s backside after defecation. notice that i did not say that it is an archaic word for toilet paper because, as we are about to find out, there are many inventive torcheculs in addition to paper. in the first book of gargantua and pantagruel (a 16th century book by françois rabelais which i have yet to write about), gargantua relates to his father the many different torcheculs that he has used and which among them he considers to be the ultimate. i present the list to you in an abridged, listicle, blog-friendly format: things with which gargantua wipes his ass a gentle-woman’s velvet mask (the softness of the silk was very voluptuous and pleasant to my fundament) a lady’s neckerchief some ear-pieces made of crimson satin, but there was such a number of golden spangles in them that they fetched away all the skin of my tail with a vengeance a page’s cap, garnished with a feather after the Switzers’ fashion a March-cat, but her claws were so sharp that they scratched and exulcerated all my perinee my mother’s gloves, of a most excellent perfume and scent of the Arabian Benin sage, fennel, marjoram, roses, gourd-leaves, beets, lettuce, spinach leaves, parsley, nettles comfrey, but that gave me the bloody flux of Lombardy the sheets, the coverlet, the curtains with a cushion, with a green carpet, with a table-cloth, with a napkin, with a handkerchief hay, straw, flax, wool a hat. Note that some are shorn, and others shaggy, some velveted, others covered with taffeties, and others with satin. The best of all these is the shaggy hat, for it makes a very neat abstersion of the fecal matter. a hen, a cock, a calf’s skin, a hare, a pigeon an attorney’s bag, a falconer’s lure But, to conclude, I say and maintain, that of all torcheculs, arsewisps, bumfodders, tail-napkins, bunghole cleansers, and wipe-breeches, there is none in the world comparable to the neck of a goose, that is well downed, if you hold her head betwixt your legs. You will thereby feel in your nockhole a most wonderful pleasure, both in regard of the softness of the said down and of the temporate heat of the goose.

today’s word of the day is TORCHECUL

it is an archaic word for an object used to wipe one’s backside after defecation. notice that i did not say that it is an archaic word for toilet paper because, as we are about to find out, there are many inventive torcheculs in addition to paper.

in the first book of gargantua and pantagruel (a 16th century book by françois rabelais which i have yet to write about), gargantua relates to his father the many different torcheculs that he has used and which among them he considers to be the ultimate. i present the list to you in an abridged, listicle, blog-friendly format:

things with which gargantua wipes his ass

  • a gentle-woman’s velvet mask (the softness of the silk was very voluptuous and pleasant to my fundament)
  • a lady’s neckerchief
  • some ear-pieces made of crimson satin, but there was such a number of golden spangles in them that they fetched away all the skin of my tail with a vengeance
  • a page’s cap, garnished with a feather after the Switzers’ fashion
  • a March-cat, but her claws were so sharp that they scratched and exulcerated all my perinee
  • my mother’s gloves, of a most excellent perfume and scent of the Arabian Benin
  • sage, fennel, marjoram, roses, gourd-leaves, beets, lettuce, spinach leaves, parsley, nettles
  • comfrey, but that gave me the bloody flux of Lombardy
  • the sheets, the coverlet, the curtains
  • with a cushion, with a green carpet, with a table-cloth, with a napkin, with a handkerchief
  • hay, straw, flax, wool
  • a hat. Note that some are shorn, and others shaggy, some velveted, others covered with taffeties, and others with satin. The best of all these is the shaggy hat, for it makes a very neat abstersion of the fecal matter.
  • a hen, a cock, a calf’s skin, a hare, a pigeon
  • an attorney’s bag, a falconer’s lure

But, to conclude, I say and maintain, that of all torcheculs, arsewisps, bumfodders, tail-napkins, bunghole cleansers, and wipe-breeches, there is none in the world comparable to the neck of a goose, that is well downed, if you hold her head betwixt your legs. You will thereby feel in your nockhole a most wonderful pleasure, both in regard of the softness of the said down and of the temporate heat of the goose.

January 19, 2010
∞ 48 notes
tags
words lists mediæval esoterica
disclaimer