getting mad fuzl’d

for reasons that i shan’t go into here, me and my handsome male friends and curvy female friends/former lovers watched the entirety of the superbowl on a tivo’d time delay of about twenty minutes. the setup was going fine until the fourth quarter when almost immediately after tracy porter’s game-changing interception, the tivo inexplicably deactivated and a visual of sean peyton jerking off the vince lamborghini trophy amid a flurry of confetti flashed onto the screen. we had lost the last 20 minutes of the game and reverted to live t.v.!

in a way, it was kind of like some benevolent deity had granted us the power of clairvoyance, that we got to see the immediate result of a well-executed, pivotal play. in another way it was as if some malevolent devil had caused us all to prematurely ejaculate into our underpants.

in any event, because most of us—including yours truly—were rooting for the saints, we all proceeded to get mad fuzl’d and crump footed after the game. in honour of the saints and the wanton powers of orson’s tivo machine, here are the 18 f-words that benjamin franklin listed as synonyms for being inebriated in his drinker’s dictionary (1737).

He’s Fishey, Fox’d, Fuddled, Sore Footed, Frozen, Well in for’t, Owes no Man a Farthing, Fears no Man, Crump Footed, Been to France, Flush’d, Froze his Mouth, Fetter’d, Been to a Funeral, His Flag is out, Fuzl’d, Spoke with his Friend, Been at an Indian Feast