his business card reads:

raynor ganan
universal philosopher of absolute reality

to my cyber flock: thank you for helping me once again find direction in life by voting in an online poll daddy poll. while i was initially fearful that the trolls on 4chan might start a troll campaign for mother superior, i am as excited as carbonated holy water to add the title, universal philosopher of absolute reality to my many degrees and fake accreditations.

for the record, here is the proper protocol for addressing me (it will stand from now until the rapture):

face to face greeting: your potency
envelope address: most universal philosopher of the most absolutely real, raynor ganan of cantabrigia
letter salutation: his preposterousness, raynor ganan, philosopher
formal closing: your cæsarian majesty’s very humble servant and vassal who kisses the royal hands and feet of your majesty
abbreviations: raynor ganan, u.p.o.a.r.

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many blessings to my spiritual adviser, the most rev. andy sturdevant for guiding me through this long, metaphysical odyssey.