bromenclature before broseph stalin, broman polanski, and other such portmanbros, there were bromides. burgess wrote an entire mock-philosophical tract on how all people were easily divided into two fundamental groups or families that he labeled the bromides and the sulphites. “the revelation,” he writes “was apodictic, convincing; it made life a different thing; it made society almost plausible.” The Bromide does his thinking by sydicate. He follows the main-traveled roads, he goes with the crowd. In a word, they all think and talk alike—one may predicate their opinion upon any given subject. They follow custom and costume, they obey the Law of Averages. They have their hair cut every month and their minds keep regular office-hours. Their habits of thought are all readymade, proper, sober, befitting the Average Man. They worship dogma. The Bromide conforms to everything sanctioned by the majority, and may be depended upon to be trite, banal and arbitrary. The Bromide has no surprises for you. When you see one enter a room, you must reconcile yourself to the inevitable. No hope for flashes of original thought, no illuminating, newer point of view, no flashes of fancy—the steady glow of bromidic conversation and action is all one can hope for. He may be wise and good, he may be loved and respected—but he lives inland; he puts not forth to sea. A Sulphite is a person who does his own thinking, he is a person who has surprises up his sleeve. He is explosive. One can never foresee what he will do, except that it will be a direct and spontaneous manifestation of his own personality. The Bromide we have always with us, predicating the obvious. The Sulphite appears uncalled. But you must not jump to the conclusion that all Sulphites are agreeable company. This is no classification as of desirable and undesirable people. The Sulphite, from his very nature, must continually surprise you by an unexpected course of action. He must explode. You never know what he will say or do. He is always sulphitic, but as often impossible. He will not bore you, but he may shock you. You find yourself watching him to see what is coming next, and it may be a subtle jest, a paradox, or an atrocious violation of etiquette. burgess spends fifty more pages expounding upon corollaries and classifying various historical figures and vegetables as sulphites or bromides. it turns out that hamlet and garlic are sulphites and polonius and cabbage are bromides. __ excerpts from: are you a bromide?: or, the sulphitic theory expounded and exemplified by gelett burgess (1907).

bromenclature

before broseph stalin, broman polanski, and other such portmanbros, there were bromides.

burgess wrote an entire mock-philosophical tract on how all people were easily divided into two fundamental groups or families that he labeled the bromides and the sulphites. “the revelation,” he writes “was apodictic, convincing; it made life a different thing; it made society almost plausible.”

The Bromide does his thinking by sydicate. He follows the main-traveled roads, he goes with the crowd. In a word, they all think and talk alike—one may predicate their opinion upon any given subject. They follow custom and costume, they obey the Law of Averages. They have their hair cut every month and their minds keep regular office-hours. Their habits of thought are all readymade, proper, sober, befitting the Average Man. They worship dogma. The Bromide conforms to everything sanctioned by the majority, and may be depended upon to be trite, banal and arbitrary.

The Bromide has no surprises for you. When you see one enter a room, you must reconcile yourself to the inevitable. No hope for flashes of original thought, no illuminating, newer point of view, no flashes of fancy—the steady glow of bromidic conversation and action is all one can hope for. He may be wise and good, he may be loved and respected—but he lives inland; he puts not forth to sea.

A Sulphite is a person who does his own thinking, he is a person who has surprises up his sleeve. He is explosive. One can never foresee what he will do, except that it will be a direct and spontaneous manifestation of his own personality. The Bromide we have always with us, predicating the obvious. The Sulphite appears uncalled.

But you must not jump to the conclusion that all Sulphites are agreeable company. This is no classification as of desirable and undesirable people. The Sulphite, from his very nature, must continually surprise you by an unexpected course of action. He must explode. You never know what he will say or do. He is always sulphitic, but as often impossible. He will not bore you, but he may shock you. You find yourself watching him to see what is coming next, and it may be a subtle jest, a paradox, or an atrocious violation of etiquette.

burgess spends fifty more pages expounding upon corollaries and classifying various historical figures and vegetables as sulphites or bromides. it turns out that hamlet and garlic are sulphites and polonius and cabbage are bromides.

__

excerpts from: are you a bromide?: or, the sulphitic theory expounded and exemplified by gelett burgess (1907).

March 31, 2010
∞ 29 notes
tags
words wordplay gelett burgess week
disclaimer