out, vile jelly

this last weekend, i got myself invited to a swanky dinner party BUT i also got myself an absolutely revolting case of pink eye. as a wannabe deipnosophist, i refused to turn the invitation down, no matter how unappetizing my eye (and its velveeta® coloured pus) was—what to do?

the answer, as tom cruise already knows, was to wear an eyepatch. not only did i wear a skull-and-bones eyepatch for the entire meal, i managed to deflect all questions about it until everyone just assumed that i was wearing it ironically…little did they know of the nauseating gleek that was lurking under its cover.

anyway, here is a list of asymmetrical eyewear:

• eyepatch
• jeweler’s loupe
• monocle