getting synesthetic

if you’re like me, one of your favourite pastimes is licking toads, firing up some allman bros on your microsoft zune, and finger-painting with fastfood condiments until your mom comes in and tells you to clean up your mess and remove your goth makeup and take off your sequined cocktail dress and stop feeding your mogwai after midnight.  

maybe, however you’re like annie besant and c.w. leadbeater who, in their 1901 book thought-forms, instead of finger-painting to the allman bros, thought it might be an enjoyable exercise to try and render the sound of wagner, gounod, and mendelssohn into oil paintings.

the resulting images could certainly be considered an early demonstration of synesthesia: the super power which permitted nabokov to see words as colours and some guy named james wannerton to “taste” sounds. 

Many people are aware that sound is always associated with colour—that when, for example, a musical note is sounded, a flash of colour corresponding to it may be seen by those whose finer senses are already to some extent developed. It seems not to be so generally known that sound produces form as well as colour, and that every piece of music leaves behind it an impression of this nature, which persists for some considerable time, and is clearly visible and intelligible to those who have eyes to see.

in [the Mendelssohn plate] we have a small and comparatively simple form pourtrayed in considerable detail, something of the effect of each note being given; in [the Gounod plate] we have a more elaborate form of very different character delineated with less detail, since no attempt is made to render the separate notes, but only to show how each chord expresses itself in form and colour; in [the Wagner plate] we have a still greater and richer form, in the depiction of which all detail is avoided, in order that the full effect of the piece as a whole may be approximately given.

if your zune is loaded with felix mendelssohn’s no. 9 of “songs without words,” or charles gounod’s soldiers chorus from “faust”, or richard wagner’s overture to “the meistersingers,” you can listen to these pieces as you go about your gardening work. or if you are an elite synesthete, you can give these striking images a once-over and be left with a similar aesthetic aftertaste.

hints for crystal drawing

while my high school classmates spent most of their doodle time scribbling far out bong designs in the margins of their calculus notebooks, i was always preoccupied with creating logos for various brands managed by ganan industries—my proposed multinational pharmaceutical conglomeration/social club. however, if you’d told me then that the book hints for crystal drawing (1908) by margaret reeks was a real thing, i probably would have [made fun of her last name and then] lined all my notes with dope little tetrahexahedrons, and prisms of the 2nd order. the book begins:

The sole object of this little book is to assist the student of Mineralogy in making drawings of the crystal forms and combinations with which he has to deal. Nothing beyond this is aimed at.

the hot new parasol styles of high society

we’ve seen what the senators are wearing during the heatwave, but let’s discuss what we all really want to know: what kind of parasols are hot right now in high society? (a sampling)

• mrs. orson d. munn likes the tiny ones that circus bears use
• dorothy kavanaugh likes to rest her umbrella on her shoulder like a hobo
• mrs. yoakum fosdick prefers the 40-ribbed (for her pleasure) japanese variety
• mrs. r. i. patterson and mrs. albert jaeckel opt instead to share a giant doily
• mrs. herbert weston travels by her umbrella (à la mrs. featherbottom)
• mrs. julien chaqueneau likes her parasol with a side of spanx

see also: how to pose with an umbrella

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source: life magazine (july 1939)

for wunderkammer: a victorian moustache guard.

what you need to understand about the differences between the victorian moustache and the ironic ones that you see hanging around park slope these days is that the victorians were deadly serious about their moutaches, oftentimes going to great pains to dye them just right, wax them perfectly, and curl them precisely. when a hairy dandy supped from his teacup, he was putting his exquisitely quaffed lip hair in peril. the hot tea could melt the wax, wilt the ‘stache, and send streaks of toxic hair dye into his favourite earl grey.

the solution was found in the moustache cup which had a special built-in guard. eventually, this guard was made portable so that if you were invited to tea at the estate of those not fortunate enough to own moustache prophylactic drinkware, you could plunk in your own and save the day.

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the book, mustache cups: timeless victorian treasures, is a great resource for collecting and is apparently the best guide since dorothy’s hammond’s 1972 book on the same subject.

also: you can instapaper this moustache cup essay for later perusal.

for wunderkammer: leprosy colony money. and you thought the russian beard tokens were the most oddball currency going…well take a gander at this panamanian leper cash.

back when the united states was uniting the seas by digging ditches in panama, somebody was like, “what do we do with all these nasty lepers?” and then somebody else was like, “let’s send them to leper island!” and then a third person was like, “wait a second, even though the lepers can’t leave the island, their money might. we could get leper cooties!” and that’s why between 1919 and 1952, the united states minted special leper tokens.

in the end, the lepers had the last laugh because the 50 leper cent coin above recently sold on ebay for $1,000.

the playpron

• “you’ll wear it to the front door without apology”
• “made of that amazing material, satiny liquid latex”
• “sky blue, tulip red, daffodil yellow, shell pink, and gardenia white”
• “splash-proof…and so gay!”

apparently, the playpron was the snuggie of the 1930s.

dancing with the vermin

i was reading a questionable novel on the nordic track last night that made reference to a species of animal known as the “japanese waltzing mouse.” i was so captivated with the idea of a mouse that knows not just how to dance, but how to dance in 3/4 time that i abandoned the nordic track machine without fully wiping it down and bum rushed my local library to find out more.

it turns out, the only references to this magical dancing species of mouse occur between 1900 - 1915. in the hysterically-titled science gossip (1900) we learn that professor gotch (professor gotch?!?!) believes that waltzing mice are probably not a separate species and their capacity to dance is most likely a genetic defect of the brain. so that settles that, but what i really want to know is: what styles of waltz do these mice know? viennese? cross-step? venezuelan? is their dance card limited to waltzes or could they possibly polka or—and this is a big or—could they lambada the night away like i did in rio back in 1994?

to find out, i dug up an old pet manual from 1914 and discovered the following:

These brown and white, piebald dancers are a source of amusement to all who watch them. Anatomists and physiologists have written long treatises upon why this mouse dances like a spinning top. But it does not matter much to us whether the dancing is caused by imperfect equilibrium through some defect of the ear or brain, or from some other cause, so long as our pets keep active and entertaining. 

Mrs. Cyrus R. Crosby has given to me the notes which she made upon the habits and care of her pair of pet waltzers. Although they are nocturnal in their habits, and begin their regular dancing after four o’clock in the afternoon, yet she found that sometimes they came out in the morning or at noon and danced for a time. Once she tried to count how many times one of them whirled without stopping; the approximate number was two-hundred and seventy-four.

there is also a really awful poem written about the japanese waltzing mice. i shall include it only so that it can help you appreciate what a good poem about a japanese waltzing mouse could be:

Little four-foot dervishes are they
As they whirl and twirl— 
It is not work and it is not play— 
‘Tis as if they just were built that way 
To twirl and whirl.

They go so fast they make a blur
As they whirl and twirl, 
Their very long tails and spotted fur 
Look like a wheel on a pivot awhirr 
As they twirl and whirl.

handlebar moustaches

notice: they are wearing beSPOKE suits as well. 

the young visiters

In the long summer of 1890, a young lady decided to write her first novel. She wrote a chapter a day between breakfast and bath-time and delivered it to her parents in a stout twopenny exercise book exactly 12 days later. The young lady’s name was Daisy Ashford and she wrote it when she was 9 years old.

She called it, The Young Visiters; or Mr. Salteena’s Plan. After several years a publisher discovered it amongst her mother’s papers. To this day it has never been out of print.

i wrote a novel when i was nine called, raynor’s giant sandwich. without giving too much of the plot away, it was about a giant sandwich named franklin and how i went about eating him and the lessons that i subsequently learned after consuming my only friend in the world. my parents humored me by telling me that it was super-phat—but everyone else who read it said it smelled worse than asparagus urine.

but whatever: the young visiters is sublime. it doesn’t need to be contextualised in terms of the age of its author. it’s not juvenilia. unlike raynor’s giant sandwich or your roommate’s latest dream, it has a cohesive plot and interesting characters. and it’s world-view is absolutely captivating. here is how it starts:

Mr. Salteena was an elderly man of 42 and was fond of asking people to stay with him. He had quite a young girl staying with him of 17 named Ethel Monticue. Mr. Salteena had dark short hair and mustache and wiskers which were very black and twisty. He was middle sized and he had very pale blue eyes. 

the published version (with an intro by j.m. barrie) retains miss ashford’s charming misspellings: brekfast, idiotick, bronkitis, &c, and is worth your perusal.

also: the novel was adapted into a beebeecee movie in 2003 and stars: harold zidler, house,  billy mack, and cleopatra. 

finally: i would be thoroughly scolded by my niece if i didn’t use this occasion to plug her novel called the great day. 

dem hats

everyone is always asking me, “gee, raynor: where do you always find dem period hats?” while this swedish cartoon from 1904 isn’t my answer, it is an answer.

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more from oskar anderson’s mannen som gör vad som faller honom in (including this rainy day classic) can be found here.

how to make an edwardian-era study [full plans]

when i woke up this morning, i realised that my favourite pair of bespoke socks (angora rabbit hair with an argyle design in the colours of trinity college) had been used as a smörgåsbord by a family of ugly moths. so it goes without saying that i started this particular tee-gee-eye-eff in a pretty sour state.

BUT! then i came across a 1905 article called the study: its building and equipment which gives highly detailed instructions on how to make your own edwardian-era book den. here is what you need to know about me: it’s my older brother ranulph who stands to inherit ganan manor (and along with it, my grandfather’s throbbingly masculine, oak-paneled study). therefore, these detailed plans will be highly useful when the time comes for me to erect my own ganan manor and an even more throbbingly masculine study to plot my revenge.

at any rate, here is how the article starts: 

If, as is so often said, the Englishman’s home is his castle…the study is, of all places, the keep of that castle…Therein the lord of the domain was wont to lay mighty plans, perchance for the development of his estate, perchance for the overthrow of his enemies. Therein he contemplated his adversities and the cruelty of fate and therein he thought good thoughts for the welfare of his kindred, his friends and his people. The very word “study” produces a whole train of terms—thought, contemplation, patience, faith, hope, charity, progress, development,—and the room itself should assist these ideas, stimulating the brain to higher ideals and nobler aspirations.

it only gets better from there. here are some bulleted items to keep in mind when you and i are designing private library rooms of our own:

• Quietness and repose are essentials, and no sound of pianos, of removal and washing of crockery, of the romping of children, or any noise likely to distract, should be allowed to reach the study.
• In most cases the study should be upon the ground floor so that when necessity arises, interviews can take place without callers having to travel half over the house.
• It is well known that the early hours of the day are those in which the brain is clearest and most active.
• A study facing south and southwest becomes so hot, so unbearably stuffy that the brain is overpowered, fatigued, and quite powerless to act.
• Such a room must not be too exciting [but also] every precaution must be taken to keep it from becoming damp and doleful.
• Rooms with windows on two walls can be better aired, and vitiated air more quickly removed.
• All cement should be up to the British standard specification and should be scientifically tested.
• Locks should be good and come from one of the best firms.
• Should an untidy maid put her hand upon [your hand-made glazed tiles] the marks can easily be removed without damage being done.
• Electric lighting if it can be obtained has much to recommend it on the score of cleanliness.

my takeaway: a study facing south with closed windows and vitiated air is an early 1900s dutch oven.

the semiology police

these are a few early ideas for road signs suggested by a swiss automobile magazine in 1923. they depict road hazards ranging from the obvious: beware of giant snails—to the not-so: warning, ironman is about to swat you down. 

macgyvering your monocle

me and my monocle go everywhere together (even u.s. government monocle-restricted zones) but it wasn’t until i read “useful adaptations of the monocle” from a 1921 issue of illustrated world magazine that i realised how useful a monocle could be in a pinch. consider some other potential uses:

• as lens for your voigtländer daguerreotype camera
• as a spark gap tester for your rickenbacker vertical eight super fine automobile
• as a slide for examining your blood and other humours