the first bloom(sday)

bloomsday, the ancient celtic fertility festival, has not always been about watching theatre majors strut around in period sportswear, or listening to music majors strum the celtic harp, or (worst of all) enduring english majors as they grab you by the shoulder and tell you how to read ulysses is to see the face of god. indeed, bloomsday used to be about lowbrow carousing under the pretense of discussing highbrow literature. take for example this account of the first bloomsday:

The day was 16 June, 1954, and though it was only mid-morning, Brian O’Nolan [Flann O’Brien] was already drunk. This day was the fiftieth anniversary of Mr. Leopold Bloom’s wanderings through Dublin, which James Joyce had immortalised in Ulysses .

To mark this occasion a small group of Dublin literati had gathered …just below the Martello tower in which the opening scene of Joyce’s novel is set. They planned to travel round the city through the day, visiting in turn the scenes of the novel, ending at night in what had once been the brothel quarter of the city, the area which Joyce had called Nighttown.

Sadly, no-one expected O’Nolan to be sober…The rest of the party, that first Bloomsday, was made up of the poet Patrick Kavanagh, the young critic Anthony Cronin, a dentist named Tom Joyce, who as Joyce’s cousin represented the family interest, and John Ryan, the painter and businessman who owned and edited the literary magazine Envoy.

Kavanagh and O’Nolan began the day by deciding they must climb up to the Martello tower itself, which stood on a granite shoulder behind the house. As Cronin recalls, Kavanagh hoisted himself up the steep slope above O’Nolan, who snarled in anger and laid hold of his ankle. Kavanagh roared, and lashed out with his foot. Fearful that O’Nolan would be kicked in the face by the poet’s enormous farmer’s boot, the others hastened to rescue and restrain the rivals.

With some difficulty O’Nolan was stuffed into one of the cabs by Cronin and the others. Then they were off, along the seafront of Dublin Bay, and into the city. In pubs along the way an enormous amount of alcohol was consumed, so much so that on Sandymount Strand they had to relieve themselves as Stephen Dedalus does in Ulysses… Eventually they arrived in Duke Street in the city centre, and the Bailey, which John Ryan then ran as a literary pub.

They went no further. Once there another drink seemed more attractive than a long tour of Joycean slums, and the siren call of the long vanished pleasures of Nighttown.

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from: flann o’brien, an illustrated biography by costello and van der kamp (1987)

pictured above on the first bloomsday: john ryan, anthony cronin, brian o’nolan (flann o’brien), patrick kavanagh & tom joyce; (1954). source.

the world’s first book club

way back in 1812, when you and i were just a bunch of lazy gametes chillaxing in our great great great grandparents’ private parts, the world’s first book club was established in london, england. it was called the roxburghe club because its members were the georgian era literati who were friends of the recently deceased duke of roxburghe, a noted bibliophile.

the roxburghe club, which is only rivaled in prestige by my own book club, still exists today. its membership is capped at 31 notables from “the nobility, the professional, and the academic classes” and has included famous poets, rascally lords, and oxford dons. each member is expected to underwrite the publication of a rare or curious volume for presentation to each of the other members. these editions are limited to 100 copies and their publication standards are exceedingly high. also, fine dining features prominently into each of the club’s annual meetings.

if you are a member and would like to sponsor me to become another member when some crusty old duke kicks the bucket, i will gladly give you my 1987 topps bo jackson rookie card as a bribe. it is in near mint condition. facebook wallpost me if interested.

it-narratives were the it narratives of the 1700s

do you know what the hottest things going in literature were in the late 18th century? they were novels in which the protagonist was an inanimate object called “it-narratives.” the vogue for this odd genre started with charles johnstone’s the adventures of a guinea (1760), a 2-volume work narrated by a gold coin.

guinea became such a boxoffice smash that it was soon followed by such thrilling titles as the adventures of a cork-screw, the adventures of a hackney coach, and the adventures of a black coat (to name but a few). if you can bear it, here is the opening paragraph of adventures of a shilling (1710) by joseph addison.

I was born on the side of a mountain, near a little village of Peru, and made a voyage to England in an ingot, under the convoy of Sir Francis Drake. I was, soon after my arrival, taken out of my Indian habit, refined, naturalized, and put into the British mode, with the face of Queen Elizabeth on one side, and the arms of the country on the other. Being thus equipped, I found in me a wonderful inclination to ramble, and visit all parts of the new world into which I was brought. The people very much favoured my natural disposition, and shifted me so fast from hand to hand, that before I was five years old, I had travelled into almost every corner of the nation. But in the beginning of my sixth year, to my unspeakable grief, I fell into the hands of a miserable old fellow, who clapped me into an iron I chest, where I found five hundred more of my own quality who lay under the same confinement. The only relief we had, was to be taken out and counted over in the fresh air every morning and evening.

nonsense is the fourth dimension of literature, duh

happy april fools’ day from gelett burgess and your dear friend raynor effing ganan.

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from: the burgess nonsense book (1901).

audiobooks out of context #9

this is the ninth post in the audio books out of context series. i cannot reveal where it is from or who it is by, BUT you should keep in mind that this week is gelett burgess week and this is an audio clip from one of gelett burgess’ mystery stories entitled, “the assasin’s club” (1912) by gelett burgess. here is a picture of the scene to help give some context (the passage is read by some dope from librivox).

a wanker named pierce was the first person to identify the contextless audio from the last installment of this series. it was taken from boys without fathers (2010) by my homey, riaz moola. riaz was kind enough to select and record this (now contexted) audio clip exclusively for all of you. i am deeply appreciative and were i a cyberbabe, i would toss my cyberpanties at him.  

posts in this series publish themselves every (π²√5)² hours. the next post is scheduled for release on april 10th, 2010 at 2:41 am. by that time, i expect to have hit the big time with a ponzi scheme that i have decided to invest in very late in its growth curve.

kama chameleon

i was reading the kama sutra last night trying to figure out the mechanics of congress of the cow when i came across this charming illo by vātsyāyana. now if you’ll excuse me, i’m off to boston garden to find me a prostitute bibliophile who might be interested in performing the cobra with me on this radiant day of spring.

getting kicked in the nadsats

oh my little droogs! perhaps you thought that one lexicon invented by an english novelist was enough for the ragbag. indeed, you could not be more mistaken. today’s installment of f-words comes from anthony burgess’s nadsat argot spoken by his hooligan antihero in a clockwork orange (1962).

burgess was a profound lover of languages—he based nadsat on english with some russian loanwords, cockney rhyming slang, words found in the king james bible, german words, and words of his own coinage. here is every single f-word in the nadsat language as found in a clockwork orange.

• faggy · tired
• fashed · bothered, annoyed (from scots)
• filly · to play or fool around with
• filmdrome · cinema (cf. velodrome, a bicycle arena)
• firegold · strong drink (cf. firewater)
• fist · to punch
• flip · wild
• forella · trout (from russian форель)
• fuzzy · scratchy

additional bonus: this is a nifty webpage that will translate entered text from english to nadsat to help you confound your parents and subvert your hegemons.

now reading: the indiscretion of the duchess (1894). i am hoping that the necklace in question is of the pearl variety.

audiobooks out of context #8

this is the eighth post in the audio books out of context series. the author of this contextless excerpt was gracious enough to give in to my plea that he select and record it exclusively for the hot chicks (and other people) that visit the ragbag.

the previous post in this series was taken from (an english translation of) haruki murakami’s the wind-up bird chronicle (1997). steve hely—an omniscient diety—was the first person with a profile on imdb to solve this mystery.

posts in this series publish themselves every (π²√5)² hours. the next post is scheduled for release on march 30th, 2010 at 19:38. by that time, after a lotta ins, lotta outs, lotta what-have-yous, the dude will have finally bagged himself an academy award.

frolesworth, uk

my main man, douglas adams is celebrated primarily for his hitchhiker’s guide to the galaxy series, but he also did other stuff as well: he wrote dr. who episodes, he was a bit player on monty python’s flying circus, and he hitchhiked himself to the summit of kilimanjaro (wearing a rhino suit). another thing that he did was write a dictionary.

his meaning of liff lexicon was the result of a game that he and his collaborator played which paired definitions that don’t appear in the dictionary but should* with place names. here are a few that begin with f. i think that you will find them extraordinarily useful.

• Falster · A longwinded, dishonest and completely incredible excuse used when the truth would have been completely acceptable.
• Farnham · The feeling that you get at about four o‘clock in the afternoon when you haven’t got enough done.
• Farrancassidy · A long and ultimately unsuccessful attempt to undo someone’s bra.
• Ferfer · One who is very excited that they’ve had a better idea than the one you’ve just suggested.
• Fiunary · The safe place you put something and forget where it was.
• Foffarty · Unable to find the right moment to leave.
• Fraddam · The small awkward-shaped piece of cheese which remains after grating a large regular-shaped piece of cheese, and which enables you to grate your fingers.
• Frating Green · The shade of green which is supposed to make you feel comfortable in hospitals, industrious in schools and uneasy in police stations.
• Fritham · A paragraph that you get stuck on in a book. The more you read it, the less it means to you.
• Frolesworth · The minimum time it is necessary to spend frowning in deep concentration at each picture in an art gallery in order that everyone else doesn’t think you’re a complete moron.
• Fulking · Pretending not to be in when the carol-singers come round.

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*these are known as sniglets, which is also the name of a type of giant fleece smock worn by lazy people.

auctorial epicurean eponyms

who among us hasn’t fantasized about having a delectible dish named in their honour? i for one tried to convince my college roommate that peanut-butterfinger-and-jelly à la raynor (an open-faced pb&j with butterfinger crumbles on texas toast) would be the next big thing™. i doubt that pb&j à la raynor can be found on the menus of better restaurants, though here is a list of dishes that can (or could):

• Flounder Jules Janin · a preparation of flounder · named for Jules Gabriel Janin, a famous, if somewhat eccentric, 19th-century French dramatic critic. Janin wrote several novels; the best known is perhaps The Dead Donkey and the Guillotined Woman.
• Lamprey à la Rabelais · a preparation of lamprey eels · named for François Rabelais, the French satirist.
• Lobster cutlets à la Shelley · fried lobster cutlets with mushrooms and cream sauce · named in honour of Percy Bysshe Shelley.
• Omelette Arnold Bennett · an unfolded omelette with smoked haddock · invented at the Savoy Hotel for the writer Arnold Bennett.
• Omelette André Theuriet · an omelette with truffles and asparagus · named after French novelist and poet André Theuriet.
• Salade à la Dumas · a potato and beet salad · created by Alexandre Dumas.
• Schillerlocken · cream-filled puff pastry cornets · named after the curly hair of the German poet Friedrich von Schiller.
• Timbales à la Irving · a preparation of of minced meat in a rich sauce baked in a small pastry mold · named for Washington Irving.
• Turkey-Grenades à la Jules Verne · turkey and rice in a puff pastry in a cream sauce · named for Jules Verne.
• Veal pie à la Dickens · veal in pie form · created upon the occasion of Charles Dickens visiting Delmonico’s in New York City.
• Wild Duckling à la Walter Scott · duck with Dundee marmalade and whisky · named for the Scottish writer Walter Scott.

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pictured: schillerlocken
note: several of these dishes were created by chef-to-the-stars, charles ranhofer. if you are interested in attempting to make them, many of their recipes can be found in ranhofer’s encyclopædic cookbook, the epicurean (1894).