select non-verbal subtitles from the movie shrek

[PAPER RUSTLING]
[TOILET FLUSHES]
[BELCHES]
[RECORD SCRATCHING]
[GINGERBREAD MAN WHIMPERS]
[TRUMPET FANFARE]

[WIND HOWLING]
[DONKEY WHISPERING]
[CHORUS VOCALIZING]
[SHREK GROANS]
[DRAGON GROWLING IN THE DISTANCE]

[FIRE CRACKLING]
[ORCHESTRA]
[MUSIC STOPS, REWINDS]
[SNORING]
[SIZZLING]
[KISSING SOUNDS]
[ACCORDION]

[KARATE YELL]
[MERRY MEN GASPING]
[BLUBBERING]
[BONES CRUNCH]
[MUFFLED MUMBLING]
[FANFARE]
[DRAGON ROARS]
[BELCHES]
[HYSTERICAL LAUGHING]
[INSTRUMENTAL]

phenakistiscope party ii

i finished my homework early and had some free time to renanimate another phenakistiscope disc. this one is called “politeness” and was published by thomas mclean in 1833. it depicts mozart and marie antoinette fanning each other’s farts.

phenakistiscope party

did you hear about this thing called animated gifs? it turns out that they’re excellent for reanimating the persistence of vision phenakistiscope discs of the 1800s. in this disc created by john dunn in the 1830s (and reanimated by yours truly 179 years later), we get a chance to see the idyllic scene of a mom working on her biceps and a dandy dad demonstrating his jazz hands and rejecting the embrace of his eager baby over and over and over forever.

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original disc image provided by room 26 cabinet of curiosities.

select non-verbal subtitles from the movie goodfellas (in 4 acts): 

[BANGING]
[BANGING]
[BANGING CONTINUES]
[MULTIPLE GUNSHOTS]
[HENRY’S MOTHER SCREAMS]
[RAIN PELTING]
[POP BALLAD BEGINS]
[WISEGUYS LAUGH]

[AMBIENT RESTAURANT SOUNDS]
[GREETINGS EXCHANGED]
[DRUM ROLL]
[BAND MUSIC STARTS]
[JIMMY AND MORRIE CONTINUE BICKERING]
[BRUCE GRUNTS IN PAIN]
[GUNSHOTS]

[AMBIENT NIGHTCLUB SOUNDS]
[CLANGING OF SHOVEL]
[HENRY GAGS AND VOMITS]
[INTERCOM BUZZES]
[BOOKIE GRUNTS]
[SOUNDS OF ZOO ANIMALS]
[GAVEL BANGS]
[DOOR SLAMS]

[WITH ITALIAN ACCENT]
[WISEGUYS LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY]
[NARC CACKLES]
[HENRY SIGHS]
[KAREN SOBS]
[HENRY CLEARS HIS THROAT]
[GUNSHOTS]

select non-verbal subtitles from the movie idiocracy*

[MAN NARRATING]
[CLEARS THROAT]
[SCOFFS]
[GROANS]
[ORANGUTAN CHATTERING]
[BACKUP WARNING BEEPING]
[MAN WATCHING TV]
[MAN LAUGHING]
[FLUSHES]
[CONTINUES LAUGHING]
[WARNING BUZZER BUZZING]
[ELECTRONIC VOICE]
[MACHINE-GUN FIRE]
[EXPLOSION]
[IMITATES FARTING, CHUCKLES]
[ALL CHUCKLING]
[WITH EFFEMINATE VOICE]
[ENGINE REVVING]
[ENGINE SPUTTERING]
[CROWD CHEERING]
[NARRATOR]
[ALL CHEERING]

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*in order of appearance.

i was watching the prestige the other night and realized that both christian bale (who played batman) and hugh jackman (who played wolverine) were in it and then got to wondering how many other movies feature actors who play superheroes/villains. a few imdb scrapes later, and i arrived at the above guide. 

• the most superheroes to appear in a movie, oddly, has an all female cast. valentine’s day features anne hathaway (catwoman), jennifer garner (elektra), jessica alba (susan storm), and topher grace (venom).  
• chris evans and halle berry have each played two superheroes (captain america and the human torch and catwoman and storm respectively).  
• in two films a character has come face to face with himself. clooney acted alongside keaton (both are former batmen) in out of sight and tommy lee jones  and aaron eckhart (twofaces) are both in the missing.
• two of the three horrible bosses in horrible bosses are also horrible villains: kevin spacey played lex luthor and colin farrell played bullseye, daredevil’s nemesis.

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many thanks to mr. luke sedgeman of pixel joint for creating the amazing pixel heroes that power this chart.

see also: harry potter wizards in non-harry potter movies

note: a chart i made that plots these relationships can be found here.

further note: if chris pine does land the role of the flash, then smokin’ aces will have 5 superheroes in it because ryan reynolds, i have just been informed, also played deadpool in the wolverine movie.

select non-verbal subtitles from the movie the bourne identity*

[ THUNDER ]
[ GUN COCKING ]
[ MAN SPEAKING GERMAN ]
[ ALARM BLARING ]
[ ALARM CONTINUES BLARING ]
[ MACHINE GUN FIRE ]
[ BOURNE SPEAKING FRENCH ]
[ BOURNE SPEAKING GERMAN ]
[ TIRES SCREECHING ]
[ HORNS HONKING ]
[ VOMITS ]
[ BAG THUMPS ON FLOOR ]
[ ELECTRONIC BEEPING ]
[ PAPERS RUSTLING ]
[ SIREN WAILING ]
[ TIRES SKID ]
[ BIRDS TWITTERING ]
[ HIGH-SPEED DIALING ]
[ SPEAKERPHONE FEEDBACK ]
[ GIRL GIGGLING IN DISTANCE ]
[ BOURNE BREATHING HEAVILY ]
[ GUNSHOT ]
[ GRUNTS ]
[ WOOD CREAKING ]
[ SHELL CASINGS]
[ FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING ]
[ TECHNO ]

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*in order of appearance. previously.

this is a real movie

were i to huff the fumes of every mr. sketch magic marker from licorice black to banana split yellow, i still would not believe you if you told me that this movie actually exists. its plot is so bizarre and mundane at the same time, that as soon as i heard about it, i hastily invited my rowdiest friends to a screening on my 70” plasma television TONIGHT. if you’re in the area, you should swing by. also: if you shave your mustache beforehand, i will not notice it on purpose to help you better understand the plight of the movie’s protagonist.

super 8

with today’s release of the movie super 8, i will take this opportunity to renew david foster wallace’s assertion in 2001:

…the founders of the Super 8 motel chain must surely have been ignorant of the meaning of suppurate.

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source: david foster wallace, tense present; harper’s magazine (April 2001).

for bestiary: a dingorilla

apart from a 1938 advertisement for shell gasoline, i can’t find any references to this marvelous hybrid animal. but just because some madison avenue ad guy dreamt up the dingorilla doesn’t mean that you and i can’t try to make one for ourselves in my subterranean insemination facilities à la that movie with val kilmer and marlon wayans.

select non-verbal subtitles from the movie high school musical*

[KID BLOWS NOISEMAKER]
[GIRLS CHATTER]
[& SOFT ROCK]
[CHEERING/FIREWORKS EXPLODE]
[CELL PHONE RINGS]
[BALLS BOUNCING RHYTHMICALLY]
[PLAYERS WHOOPING AND YELLING]
[SCOFFS]
[BADLY OFF-KEY]
[HIGH-PITCHED]
[WHINNIES LIKE A HORSE]
[ALL GASPING]
[TROY SINGING]
[FRUSTRATED GRUNT]
[DOG BARKING]
[CLASSROOM CHATTER]
[BELL RINGING, STUDENTS YELLING]
[RHYTHMIC CLAPPING]
[CHEERING, DRUMMERS DRUMMING]
[VOCAL GIBBERISH]
[TRILLS TONGUE]
[CHEERLEADERS CHEERING IN BACKGROUND]
[BUZZER SOUNDS]
[APPLAUSE AND CHEERING]

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*in order of appearance.

more magic

and you thought all those harry potter wizards appearing in the same movies was a weird phenomenon.

select non-verbal subtitles from the movie titanic*

[SONAR PINGS]
[MECHANICAL WHIRRING]
[CURSING IN SWEDISH]
[WHOOPING AND YELLING]
[ROSE RUNNING AND SOBBING]
[MUSIC BOX]
[BOILER BLASTING]
[ROSE CLEARS THROAT]
[ALARM BELL CLANGING]
[MEN SCREAMING]
[WATER GURGLING]
[SHIP CREAKING]
[CREWMAN SHOUTING ORDERS]
[ORCHESTRA PLAYING]
[PASSENGERS YELLING]
[YELLING IN CZECH]
[GUNSHOT]
[GUNSHOT]
[CHILD WAILING]
[ORCHESTRA STILL PLAYING]
[CABLES SNAPPING]
[METAL GROANING]
[GLASS SHATTERING]
[SHIP CREAKING]
[PLANKS SPLITTING]
[EVERYONE SCREAMING]
[DISTANT MOANS AND CRIES FOR HELP]
[VOICES OF SEARCHERS]

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*in order of appearance. previously.

movie magic

i was watching sense & sensibility in the back of my neighbour’s minivan while on a stakeout the other night and realized that professors snape, trelawney, and umbridge had each somehow apparated into the cast. my neighbour (who is a former hogwarts alumna) pointed out that cornelius fudge and madam pomfrey were also in it. was this a record for the most harry potter wizards in a non-harry potter film? i decided to abandon the surveillance (there was only one pair of high-powered binoculars anyway) and scrape some data from the imdb.

the project turned out to be bigger than i expected. there were hundreds of wizards and tens of thousands of movies in which they appear. in the end, when the pixie dust settled, i was left with at least 23 movies infiltrated by 4 or more potter people. i made this chart (click to engorgio) to show the tangled relationships among them.

here are a few observations:

• the movie with the most harry potter wizards in it is vanity fair with an unprecedented 9* wizards. 
• the muggle that these wizards most like to work with is johnny depp who stars in 4 of these movies (3 of which were directed by tim burton).
• horace slughorn (a known attention whore) has wormed his way into no fewer than 5 of these movies, the most of any wizard.
• conspiracy theory: 6 of these movies were in theatres before the first harry potter book was released. there is even historical evidence that 4 wizards worked on crook’s anonymous which was released back in 1962 before magic was invented.
• the sorting hat and aragog were in king ralph? i’ll have to rewatch that one on tonight’s stakeout.

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fwiw: this program works a magic all its own.

update (3/22/2011): hello kottke companions! the last time we bumped into each other was here, and if you don’t mind me saying so, the intervening year has been very kind to your physical appearances. here are some other information visualisation thingy-doos that you might enjoy.

update (3/25/2011): the chart has been updated here to reflect two additional 4-wizard movies (in bruges & nanny mcphee returns). additionally, mafalda hopkirk has been linked to more movies and spelling errors have been corrected. xenophilius now rivals slughorn for appearing in the most films with other wizards. this list is worth a perusal. thanks to sarah, matthew, michael, and jen.

*and also at least one extra who worked on both films.