miscellaneous portmanteaux trois

every 400 days for the rest of my life, i plan to release a new batch of coined portmanteau words into the wild and see if any of them stick. 400 days ago, i told you about bar-b-coup and nonline which have since risen to #451 and #1,033 on the mla’s list of hot new words to watch out for™. 800 days ago, i told you about farticle and gratuitesque and now these two words alone comprise 40% of every word on wikipedia. i wonder what the future will hold for this year’s batch?

  • mockward (mock + awkward) a seemingly uncomfortable social interaction where all parties are actually feigning embarrassment. “atticus and hugo drunkenly hooked up again last night. they pretended to be embarrassed about it, but the interaction was decidedly mockward.”
  • dreadline (dread + deadline) a date on or before which an undesirable project must be completed. “april 15th marks the national dreadline of tax day.”
  • squeemail (squee + email) an overly-excited email. “she sent me a squeemail after hearing the good news that my dandruff problem is now a thing of the past.”
  • affluential (affluent + influential) using one’s wealth to control or manipulate. “the koch brothers are affluential a-holes.”
  • adorifice (adore + orifice) a preferred orifice. “i always enjoy that particular aperture baby-cakes, but it’s my birthday and i’d love a shot at my adorifice.”

the next post in this series will be published on november 27, 2012 by which time iowa city will have elected its first minotaur to the office of mayor.

__

previous to this: miscellaneous portmanteaux un et deux

October 24, 2011
∞ 435 notes
tags
words wordplay literary device lists

the royal anagrammer

IF you are hopping mad that your tax dollars are funding some idiotic study on ugly little shrews in nevada that nobody cares about OR a permanent exhibit on adversity at the museum of woes and anguish THEN you will instantly sympathise with the good people of france who watched in frustration as their king established the position of royal anagrammer.

In the reign of Louis XIII, we find mention of Thomas Billon, an acute Provençal who enjoyed a pension of 1,200 livres as “Anagrammatist to the King.” 

yo, @president_obama, i am good with anagrams. pay me some tax dollars and give me a government pension and i will lampoon your enemies with anagrams of their own names. here is a free sample:

  • jog in milk
  • a sharp nail
  • in a jaded ham
January 28, 2011
∞ 28 notes
tags
jeremy's iron wordplay 1600s
bibliofool i came across this marvelous masthead in some dusty old book that i read begrudgingly while getting my brand new bieberstyle haircut. finally, my twenty year quest for a proper raynor ganan bookplate has come to an end! check it out: that bibliofool has meth teeth just like me.

bibliofool

i came across this marvelous masthead in some dusty old book that i read begrudgingly while getting my brand new bieberstyle haircut. finally, my twenty year quest for a proper raynor ganan bookplate has come to an end!

check it out: that bibliofool has meth teeth just like me.

January 17, 2011
∞ 31 notes
tags
wordplay things to look at literature

echo, echo

the echo verse is an ancient form of poetry based on wordplay. in it, a speaker in a quandary shouts out his questions to the nymph echo who then responds by repeating the last few syllables in a way that seems to answer his queries. while many dismiss the form as false wit (at best and nonsense at worst), several of history’s greatest writers have composed echo verses. to namedrop a few: ovid, euripides, erasmus, jonathan swift, and victor hugo. here is swift’s ribald attempt to woo a woman named ann via echo verse.

A Gentle Echo on Woman

Say what will turn that frisking coney
Into the toils of matrimony?
……Money
Has Phoebe not a heavenly brow?
Is it not white as pearl, as snow?
……Ass! no!
Her eyes! Was ever such a pair!
Are the stars brighter than they are?
……They are!
Echo, thou liest but can’t deceive me.
Her eyes eclipse the stars, believe me.
……Leave me
But come, thou saucy, pert romancer,
Who is as fair as Phoebe, answer!
……Ann, sir!

May 26, 2010
∞ 24 notes
tags
poetry ancient oulipo wordplay

it’s all anglish to me

one of my sixteern recurring fantasies involves a world where, in 1066 harold the second was able to defeat william “the bastard” and those pesky normans had to retreat back to france and bake baguettes with their salty tears. there’s grade-a babes in this fantasy too, but let’s not get into that now.

at any rate, in a world where english never got jiggy with norman french nor any other romance language, how would our mother tongue sound? fortunately for you and i, we don’t need to strain too hard with this thought experiment because sci-fi author poul anderson has done all the work for us. in his short piece “uncleftish beholding,” he rewrites the first few principles of atomic theory using only words of germanic origin. it is—to say the least—a trip. it starts like this:

For most of its being, mankind did not know what things are made of, but could only guess. With the growth of worldken, we began to learn, and today we have a beholding of stuff and work that watching bears out, both in the workstead and in daily life.

The underlying kinds of stuff are the *firststuffs*, which link together in sundry ways to give rise to the rest. Formerly we knew of ninety-two firststuffs, from waterstuff, the lightest and barest, to ymirstuff, the heaviest. Now we have made more, such as aegirstuff and helstuff…

April 9, 2010
∞ 32 notes
tags
oulipo language wordplay science conlang

it’s all greeklish to me

it’s no secret that constrained writing is the magical fertilizer that makes my wood grow. today, we’re going to take a gander at a very clever etymology-related constraint where the only words allowed in the author’s quiver are words derived from a single language.

in 1957, professor xenophon zolotas gave a speech at the end of a meeting of the international bank. it was in english but—with the exception of articles and prepositions—composed entirely in words of greek origin. the way that professor zolotas greekly tiptoes through english is absolutely mesmerizing.

I eulogize the archons of the Panethnic Numismatic Thesaurus and the Ecumenical Trapeza for the orthodoxy of their axioms, methods and policies, although there is an episode of cacophony of the Trapeza with Hellas.

With enthusiasm we dialogue and synagonize at the synods of our didymous Organizations in which polymorphous economic ideas and dogmas are analyzed and synthesized.

Our critical problems such as the numismatic plethora generate some agony and melancholy. This phenomenon is characteristic of our epoch. But, to my thesis, we have the dynamism to program therapeutic practices as a prophylaxis from chaos and catastrophe. In parallel, a panethnic unhypocritical economic synergy andharmonization in a democratic climate is basic.

I apologize for my eccentric monologue. I emphasize my eucharistia to you Kyrie, to the eugenic and generous American Ethnos and to the organizers and protagonists of this Amphictyony and the gastronomic symposia.

zolotas gave a second greeklish speech two years later. it can be found here.

April 9, 2010
∞ 33 notes
tags
oulipo wordplay language etymology
bromenclature before broseph stalin, broman polanski, and other such portmanbros, there were bromides. burgess wrote an entire mock-philosophical tract on how all people were easily divided into two fundamental groups or families that he labeled the bromides and the sulphites. “the revelation,” he writes “was apodictic, convincing; it made life a different thing; it made society almost plausible.” The Bromide does his thinking by sydicate. He follows the main-traveled roads, he goes with the crowd. In a word, they all think and talk alike—one may predicate their opinion upon any given subject. They follow custom and costume, they obey the Law of Averages. They have their hair cut every month and their minds keep regular office-hours. Their habits of thought are all readymade, proper, sober, befitting the Average Man. They worship dogma. The Bromide conforms to everything sanctioned by the majority, and may be depended upon to be trite, banal and arbitrary. The Bromide has no surprises for you. When you see one enter a room, you must reconcile yourself to the inevitable. No hope for flashes of original thought, no illuminating, newer point of view, no flashes of fancy—the steady glow of bromidic conversation and action is all one can hope for. He may be wise and good, he may be loved and respected—but he lives inland; he puts not forth to sea. A Sulphite is a person who does his own thinking, he is a person who has surprises up his sleeve. He is explosive. One can never foresee what he will do, except that it will be a direct and spontaneous manifestation of his own personality. The Bromide we have always with us, predicating the obvious. The Sulphite appears uncalled. But you must not jump to the conclusion that all Sulphites are agreeable company. This is no classification as of desirable and undesirable people. The Sulphite, from his very nature, must continually surprise you by an unexpected course of action. He must explode. You never know what he will say or do. He is always sulphitic, but as often impossible. He will not bore you, but he may shock you. You find yourself watching him to see what is coming next, and it may be a subtle jest, a paradox, or an atrocious violation of etiquette. burgess spends fifty more pages expounding upon corollaries and classifying various historical figures and vegetables as sulphites or bromides. it turns out that hamlet and garlic are sulphites and polonius and cabbage are bromides. __ excerpts from: are you a bromide?: or, the sulphitic theory expounded and exemplified by gelett burgess (1907).

bromenclature

before broseph stalin, broman polanski, and other such portmanbros, there were bromides.

burgess wrote an entire mock-philosophical tract on how all people were easily divided into two fundamental groups or families that he labeled the bromides and the sulphites. “the revelation,” he writes “was apodictic, convincing; it made life a different thing; it made society almost plausible.”

The Bromide does his thinking by sydicate. He follows the main-traveled roads, he goes with the crowd. In a word, they all think and talk alike—one may predicate their opinion upon any given subject. They follow custom and costume, they obey the Law of Averages. They have their hair cut every month and their minds keep regular office-hours. Their habits of thought are all readymade, proper, sober, befitting the Average Man. They worship dogma. The Bromide conforms to everything sanctioned by the majority, and may be depended upon to be trite, banal and arbitrary.

The Bromide has no surprises for you. When you see one enter a room, you must reconcile yourself to the inevitable. No hope for flashes of original thought, no illuminating, newer point of view, no flashes of fancy—the steady glow of bromidic conversation and action is all one can hope for. He may be wise and good, he may be loved and respected—but he lives inland; he puts not forth to sea.

A Sulphite is a person who does his own thinking, he is a person who has surprises up his sleeve. He is explosive. One can never foresee what he will do, except that it will be a direct and spontaneous manifestation of his own personality. The Bromide we have always with us, predicating the obvious. The Sulphite appears uncalled.

But you must not jump to the conclusion that all Sulphites are agreeable company. This is no classification as of desirable and undesirable people. The Sulphite, from his very nature, must continually surprise you by an unexpected course of action. He must explode. You never know what he will say or do. He is always sulphitic, but as often impossible. He will not bore you, but he may shock you. You find yourself watching him to see what is coming next, and it may be a subtle jest, a paradox, or an atrocious violation of etiquette.

burgess spends fifty more pages expounding upon corollaries and classifying various historical figures and vegetables as sulphites or bromides. it turns out that hamlet and garlic are sulphites and polonius and cabbage are bromides.

__

excerpts from: are you a bromide?: or, the sulphitic theory expounded and exemplified by gelett burgess (1907).

March 31, 2010
∞ 29 notes
tags
words wordplay gelett burgess week
a confession when i was just a semi-literate small fry, i made the honest mistake of reading the highlights magazine tagline (fun with a purpose) as “FUN WITH A PORPOISE.” and after getting to the end of every issue and never encountering the promised dolphin, i would become enraged and scream, “where is this goddamned porpoise and how come everyone but me gets to have fun with it?” when the next issue would arrive, i would begin my search anew, earnestly hoping that this time the merry porpoise would finally present itself to me. it never did. this is why i became a marine biologist.

a confession

when i was just a semi-literate small fry, i made the honest mistake of reading the highlights magazine tagline (fun with a purpose) as “FUN WITH A PORPOISE.”

and after getting to the end of every issue and never encountering the promised dolphin, i would become enraged and scream, “where is this goddamned porpoise and how come everyone but me gets to have fun with it?”

when the next issue would arrive, i would begin my search anew, earnestly hoping that this time the merry porpoise would finally present itself to me. it never did.

this is why i became a marine biologist.

March 24, 2010
∞ 53 notes
tags
being raynor wordplay observations

know your commonplace figurative uses of animal shit compounds

  • bullshit · connotes hypocrisy, lies, and red tape as in why should i put up with all this bullshit? to bullshit is to bluff or to make small talk.
  • horseshit · connotes crumminess as in he did a horseshit job, and this motor is running horseshit.
  • chickenshit · means “something petty” as a noun and “trivial” as an adjective as in mom is making me do all these chickenshit chores.
  • batshit · means “exceedingly crazy” as in that old lady is batshit, she’s holding a conversation with a rhododendron bush.
  • apeshit · to go apeshit means to go ballistic or to fly off the handle.

March 9, 2010
∞ 109 notes
tags
know your wordplay words popular
frolesworth, uk my main man, douglas adams is celebrated primarily for his hitchhiker’s guide to the galaxy series, but he also did other stuff as well: he wrote dr. who episodes, he was a bit player on monty python’s flying circus, and he hitchhiked himself to the summit of kilimanjaro (wearing a rhino suit). another thing that he did was write a dictionary. his meaning of liff lexicon was the result of a game that he and his collaborator played which paired definitions that don’t appear in the dictionary but should* with place names. here are a few that begin with f. i think that you will find them extraordinarily useful. Falster · A longwinded, dishonest and completely incredible excuse used when the truth would have been completely acceptable. Farnham · The feeling that you get at about four o‘clock in the afternoon when you haven’t got enough done. Farrancassidy · A long and ultimately unsuccessful attempt to undo someone’s bra. Ferfer · One who is very excited that they’ve had a better idea than the one you’ve just suggested. Fiunary · The safe place you put something and forget where it was. Foffarty · Unable to find the right moment to leave. Fraddam · The small awkward-shaped piece of cheese which remains after grating a large regular-shaped piece of cheese, and which enables you to grate your fingers. Frating Green · The shade of green which is supposed to make you feel comfortable in hospitals, industrious in schools and uneasy in police stations. Fritham · A paragraph that you get stuck on in a book. The more you read it, the less it means to you. Frolesworth · The minimum time it is necessary to spend frowning in deep concentration at each picture in an art gallery in order that everyone else doesn’t think you’re a complete moron. Fulking · Pretending not to be in when the carol-singers come round. __ *these are known as sniglets, which is also the name of a type of giant fleece smock worn by lazy people.

frolesworth, uk

my main man, douglas adams is celebrated primarily for his hitchhiker’s guide to the galaxy series, but he also did other stuff as well: he wrote dr. who episodes, he was a bit player on monty python’s flying circus, and he hitchhiked himself to the summit of kilimanjaro (wearing a rhino suit). another thing that he did was write a dictionary.

his meaning of liff lexicon was the result of a game that he and his collaborator played which paired definitions that don’t appear in the dictionary but should* with place names. here are a few that begin with f. i think that you will find them extraordinarily useful.

  • Falster · A longwinded, dishonest and completely incredible excuse used when the truth would have been completely acceptable.
  • Farnham · The feeling that you get at about four o‘clock in the afternoon when you haven’t got enough done.
  • Farrancassidy · A long and ultimately unsuccessful attempt to undo someone’s bra.
  • Ferfer · One who is very excited that they’ve had a better idea than the one you’ve just suggested.
  • Fiunary · The safe place you put something and forget where it was.
  • Foffarty · Unable to find the right moment to leave.
  • Fraddam · The small awkward-shaped piece of cheese which remains after grating a large regular-shaped piece of cheese, and which enables you to grate your fingers.
  • Frating Green · The shade of green which is supposed to make you feel comfortable in hospitals, industrious in schools and uneasy in police stations.
  • Fritham · A paragraph that you get stuck on in a book. The more you read it, the less it means to you.
  • Frolesworth · The minimum time it is necessary to spend frowning in deep concentration at each picture in an art gallery in order that everyone else doesn’t think you’re a complete moron.
  • Fulking · Pretending not to be in when the carol-singers come round.

__

*these are known as sniglets, which is also the name of a type of giant fleece smock worn by lazy people.
February 25, 2010
∞ 65 notes
tags
words f-words etymology wordplay literature

the first sex scene in scottish literature

the following steamy scene was written by ragbag role model, thomas urquhart way back in sixteen fitty two. like all things urquhart, it combines latin and greek neologisms, absurd euphemisms, wildly elaborate sentences, obscure allusions, and circumlocutious syntax. it also happens to be decidedly unerotic.

Thus for a while their eloquence was mute, and all they spoke was but with the eye and hand, yet so persuasively, by vertue of the intermutual unlimitedness of their visotactil sensation, that each part and portion of the persons of either was obvious to the sight and touch of the persons of both; the visuriency of either, by ushering the tacturiency of both, made the attrectation of both consequent to the inspection of either. Here it was that passion was active, and action passive, they both being overcome by other, and each the conquerour. To speak of her hirquitalliency at the elevation of the pole of his microcosme, or of his luxuriousness to erect a gnomon on her horizontal dyal, will perhaps be held by some to be expressions full of obscoeness, and offensive to the purity of chaste ears; yet seeing she was to be his wife, and that she could not be such without consummation of marriage, which signifieth the same thing in effect, it may be thought, as definitiones logicae verificantur in rebus, if the exerced act be lawful, that the diction which suppones it, can be of no greater transgression, unless you would call it a solaecisme, or that vice in grammar which imports the copulating of the masculine with the feminine gender.

if you had trouble getting turned on by this, much less understanding it, join the crowd—it was as hard to follow way back in sixteen fitty two as it is today. fortunately, i have found an online translation for you.

February 8, 2010
∞ 44 notes
tags
sex literature sexlit day 1600s wordplay

words wholly unrelated

reign & sovereign

the former is from the latin word regnum and is related to regal. the latter is from the latin word superanus and means “chief or principle.”

to do this afternoon: call your boss a SUPERANUS and then laff like a maniac and wink like a lunatic until security is called at which point you can whip out your wheelock’s and tell everyone what superanus actually means in latin and how it is related to sovereign. youtube the reaction.

January 25, 2010
∞ 36 notes
tags
words etymology wordplay

misc portmanteaux deux

if there is one thing metallica fans like us know, it’s that metallica is a portmanteau of metallic + replica. speaking of portmanteaux, here are a few that i have been dreaming up since posting the first list exactly 400 days ago*.

  • fauxtest: (faux + protest) when one pretends to object but secretly consents. as in: “i know that you actually want to see the latest rom-com with that curvy starlet, stop fauxtesting.”
  • nonline: (not + online) the opposite of online, a synonym of irl. as in: “i have over 400 online friends but only six nonline ones.”
  • femine: (feminine + famine) a dearth of females (cf. sausage party)
  • purityrannical: (puritanical + tyrant) of the nature of a religiously and politically conservative authoritarian figure
  • bar-b-coup: (barbecue + coup) to override your vegetarian friend’s crappy suggestion to meet up at a nasty falafel joint and instead reroute the party to a bitching bbq spot.

__

*this is the second post in the misc portmanteax series. posts in this series publish themselves every 400 days. the next post is scheduled for release on october 24, 2011 at which point the mayan gods will have eaten the earth for fourings.

January 22, 2010
∞ 57 notes
tags
words wordplay lists literary device
fun with authors’ names #2 what’s longer than an 8-author name chain? how bout one that goes on for ∞? and what’s longer than ∞? 3 × ∞, duh.

fun with authors’ names #2

what’s longer than an 8-author name chain? how bout one that goes on for ∞? and what’s longer than ∞?

3 × ∞, duh.

January 21, 2010
∞ 24 notes
tags
literature cc math design wordplay
fun with authors’ names #1 i know, i know, i had to compromise on lewis carroll’s name, but such is the nature of the fun with authors’ names game*. (also, he was a freaky-deeky—just sayin’) __ *this game also works, though is slightly less fun, with the names of musicians and, to a lesser degree, the stars of pornographic cinema.

fun with authors’ names #1

i know, i know, i had to compromise on lewis carroll’s name, but such is the nature of the fun with authors’ names game*. (also, he was a freaky-deeky—just sayin’)

__

*this game also works, though is slightly less fun, with the names of musicians and, to a lesser degree, the stars of pornographic cinema.

January 20, 2010
∞ 42 notes
tags
design literature wordplay cc
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